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Old 04-01-2021, 08:41 AM   #1
tenderfoot's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 417
4/1 News Updates

Hey, it's the first of April...

Hazard to Navigation Updates
Albany - The State Department of Transportation reminds property owners that it is their responsibility to mark hazards to navigation 500’ from shore or surface of their property line. Although most property owners are conscientious enough to mark boating hazards with the ubiquitous white clorox bottles many forgo similar practices for hazards to aviators. DOT says “our biggest concern is cell towers; if you don’t have a white clorox bottle properly secured to the top of your cell tower we may ask you to remove the structure.”

Rangers invite winter hikers back for White Tulip Festival
Braybrook - NYS DEC Rangers extend a hearty invitation to all hikers that enjoyed the High Peaks this winter to return for the inaugural White Tulip Festival, so be held the first hot day in Spring. “This seems to be a banner year for white tulips. Although the snow is just beginning to recede we have never seen such a prevalence of white tulips - especially in high use areas winter hikers most enjoyed. We just wish to share the spectacle and that is best done on a warm spring day so the delicate scent can best be enjoyed.” Rangers say this bumper crop of white tulips actually repels some of the pesky wildlife from high use areas. Oddly enough white tulips are seen as a delicacy for some domestic k9’s. “They aren’t toxic per se, but we encourage you to smell your dogs breathe after a vigorous hike in white tulip areas.”

Lost hiker turns up in NJ
Albany - A hiker that went missing in February near Henderson Lake has turned up at the Gateway National Recreation Area in NJ. After failing to check in Feb 15 DEC initiated a search of the Henderson Lake area. Although finding a campsite with the hikers gear, the search was called off after finding a large hole in the ice with a nalgene water bottle and Sawyer water filter next to it. A National Park Rangers says it is not uncommon for NY sportsmen to frequent their sandy shores: “Ice fishermen mostly, occasionally a late season snowmobiler and of course we are popular with youth sailing groups that can’t read the tide charts on their iPhone. The way we sick out into New York harbor we sort of act as a flapper on a pool filter for the Hudson river. ” Identification of the hiker is being held until he can be reunited with his family.

“Skyrider” attraction opening up at new Sensory Deprivation Center in Lake Placid
Lake Placid - WTF ventures announced it is on target for opening it’s “Skyrider” attraction in Lake Placid later this Spring. This attraction repurposes the Olympic Ski jumps (yes, both of them) as Xtreme Sport Mountain Bike Trails. This is the centerpiece of Lake Placid’s new Sensory Deprivation Center. “We are seeing a lot of tourists that seem to be deprived of their senses and we wish to cater to this new group; provide more attractions and activities focused on their unique needs. With the legalization of marijuana we fig’r we hit the nail right on the head.” Development of the project was a joint venture with people active in the “ride bikes off &!@#” community. Focus groups were able to repurpose funds originally targeted at “foamy blocks for landing zones” to the higher priority “live connection to social media.”

NYS Attorney General Investigates Fraud in ADK’s
Albany - The NYS Attorney General announced a joint investigation with the NYS Police into fraudulent use of grant monies. “As a government we are entrusted with taxpayer resources and it is important to show that we get what we pay for. The best way to do this is to conduct investigations such as this as well as the appropriate use of the term ‘monies’”. Although unable to comment on an ongoing investigation the AG was able to comment: “We have three scientific grants for field biologists to study ‘black bear predation.’ We give the scientists the money and a map of mature male black bear hibernation sites and that is the last we see of them.” The NYS Police commented that after extensive investigations they were able to seize certain assets - vehicles mostly, located at trailheads near the local of the provided maps.

NYS Health Department working with DEC to improve hiker safety
Raybrook - As an effort to improve hiker safety the DEC will be working with the NYS Health Department to install social distancing stickers every 6’ on the more popular trails this Summer. “As you are waiting for your turn to enjoy nature; it is important to remember covid precautions.” NYS also hope to eventually install traffic arrow stickers and has hired a consultant to best determine how to convert the words “left” and “right” into the metric system so we can be welcoming to Canadian tourists.

Migrants at Border Still a Concern
Plattsburgh - Despite clear communications from the Whitehouse that nothing has changed with immigration local authorities are still concerned with an influx of migrants hoping to cross the border. “We really thought things would change but there are still a lot of people who wish to emigrate to Canada. We are having trouble finding housing for them all.” When asked an immigrant who wishes to be known as “Pierre” says “With my 401K I’d have to work ten more years in the US to have a comfortable retirement. With socialized medicine in Canada I could retire, like, yesterday.”

Local Community Benefits from Weekend Resident Savvy
Piseco - At a recent town board meeting a weekend resident of Piseco NY advocated for a change in zoning. “My condo association in Manhattan has very flexible guidelines. I can pick from three different colors for my door and am free to decorate for non religious holidays. Looking around town I feel we would all benefit from some requirements for property maintenance.” After an enthusiastic response from local residents the Town Board voted at it’s Tuesday meeting to require all residences to “have some semblance of a roof” and instituted a “bidet tax of $5000.” Related improvements borrowed from Manhattan weekenders experience was a form of “rent control” that limited AirBnB rental fees to “$65 per night regardless of square footage.”

NY Upcycles to Save Costs
Albany - The Governor’s Office of Upcycling announced today that tollbooths removed from the NYS Thruway will be installed at Trailheads in the High Peaks. The initial plans do not include EZPass but State officials remain open minded.

Cascade Trailhead Rerouted to High Peaks Welcome Center
North Hudson - The little known and lesser visited High Peaks Welcome Center on I87 North is pleased to announce that it designates itself as the new trailhead for Cascade and Porter. “We listened to the public. They wanted more parking, restrooms and more time on trail - we are giving them all three.” In addition one of the vending machines will be repurposed to carry matches, maps, compasses, ponchos and flashlights.

GPS Receptivity Improvement Project
Albany - The Governor's office of Space Technology is pleased to announce that in response to hikers concerns the State will be improving GPS reception one one of its High Peaks trails this summer. After an extensive study external consultants determined that if trees, brush and general vegetation was cut back 25’ from each side of the trail reception would be unimpeded and lives could be saved. The specific trail has yet to be selected - initial surveys were hindered by incompatibility between snow and wingtips.

Fewer Black Flies this Season
Raybrook - DEC biologists expect fewer black flies this season. “Well, the black fly competes for resources with the common green bottle fly. Although breeding conditions for the black fly have not changed remarkably, there is so much human waste on trails this spring we expect common green bottle fly population to be off the freakin’ charts. The black flies will not know what hit them.”

Lean-to Upgrade
Raybrook - DEC is pleased to announce completion of its Covid-19 lean-to upgrade program. All Lean-tos on State owned land have had plexiglass shielding installed creating 8 individual bays for hiker safety. The program replaced the previously planned “Black Plague from Mice Remediation Project” originally scheduled for this year.

Have a great day!
Eyes on the Forest, not on the Trees
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