This math may help you get ahead.

[Neil]

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...
it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

KNOWLEDGE
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-$-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull$hit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

[Justin]

I always knew it to be true, and there's the proof.

[ADKHUNTER]

I'm bringing that one to work, Thanks.

[Neil]

Thanks.

T-H-A-N-K-S

20+8+1+14+11+19 =73

Thanks won't get you as far as those other options.

[1894]

I don't like your new math Neil , it ain't going to work
P-E-S-S-I-M-I-S-M

16+5+19+19+9+13+9+19+13 = 122

[Rock]

I agree with the first 3 but I will never give in to the last 2 because I have..

Dignity 88% + Pride 52% = 140%

[DRIFTER]

9====4+15+14'20====&^*#+9+14+7====7+5+20====9+20 =

[Neil]

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus:


Dear Santa,

Please send me a baby brother.











Santa wrote back:



"Send me your mother..."

[redhawk]

What's that got to do with math?

Ah, addition by multiplication.

[Neil]

From Math to Microbiology

Wine vs. water

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.



However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of $hit.



There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service

[redhawk]

Wine vs. water

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.



However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of $hit.



There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service

Except the liter of wine makes you poop your pants. You left that part of the study out.........

[Connie Bear Orion]

Except the liter of wine makes you poop your pants. You left that part of the study out.........

Its unhealthy to keep the poop in.
SO thats another good reason for a little wine or beer.

[DaVinci]

Wow - this is..."enlightening"!?!

Maybe you guys are the children the teachers have been trying to leave behind...

Can't wait to throw this "new math" at my kids when school starts back up!

[Adk Keith]

Cute story.

Hmm, since the word bacterium was first used in 1828 and Franklin died in 1790....

[redhawk]

Cute story.

Hmm, since the word bacterium was first used in 1828 and Franklin died in 1790....

He's talking about "Benjy Franklin". Smart little kid of English - Jewish decent. People often get the confused and Benjamin gets a lot of credit for what Benjy actually did.

Easy to understand since Benjy came over on a ship that bypassed Ellis Island. Subsequently, when the economy turned sour, he was deported back to England as an illegal alien and a subversive. However, he married well and had a daughter, who married a man named Bush who immigrated to Columbus Ohio, married Flora Sheldon and had a son named Samuel Prescott Bush who became a railroad magnate and Publisher. They moved to Connecticut and had a son, Prescott Bush. He later had a son George Herbert Walker Bush who married Barbra Pierce and moved to Texas. they had six children, most notably George Walker Bush.

The rest as they say is history.

The moral of this story is that you might deport them, but that's just beating around the bush.

I ascertain that this post is hysterically accurate!!

Hawk